I feel like the headline of this is enough of a trigger warning for what’s about to come that I can just plunge in and talk about stuff.
Firstly – despite this only being the second entry in a blog intended to be about running and questing for health as a plus size individual, I am sure you will understand when I say this now needs to deviate from running and focus on simply being a quest for health! If I need to change the domain name later, I will, but for now, it still makes sense to me as a concept and I’ll post about that later.
Onto the point!
Hi! I am a Stage IV ovarian cancer patient. It has been an eventful couple of months – really an eventful year, as late 2017 was when my health started to go down, but only the past 3-4 months that I’ve known something was genuinely wrong with my body.
If you are reading this as somebody who doesn’t know the story of how I reached this point, I am a 37-year-old plus-size geek who loves food, stories and the beautiful outdoors. I am also an immigrant from New Zealand who has lived here for eleven years. This paragraph contains all the parts that I believe are most pertinent to me as a human being.
That’s who I am as a person … who am I as a patient?
I am very young for an ovarian cancer patient. The advanced stage is less surprising, as ovarian cancer is rarely diagnosed early. I am actively using my geek status and love of stories to formulate a fantasy warrior narrative around myself. I’m in a weird place with food – not entirely negative, but a lot of it has become more scary for me. I am SO GRATEFUL that as somebody with indefinite leave to remain, I qualify for treatment on the NHS. I miss my family a lot at the moment and am having to trust them to keep themselves strong whilst I’m on the other side of the globe. And lastly, I am working hard to get this into remission and pick up the life I’ve wanted with my partner, hiking and exploring the beauty of this country and the larger world.
More than anything else, I just feel strange that after a life of being overdramatic, I’m now faced with something that actually is somewhat of a big deal?
…if you did come to this post new, it may be quite an introduction to me.
Here’s the introduction to the blog.
For as much and as long as I am able, I want to talk about ovarian cancer. I want to talk about what I am doing as a person, first as a patient, and then when I become a person in remission, to keep healthy. I want this to be food and fitness. I want to talk about the beautiful things that I encounter, the kindness in humans, the hope.
I don’t want to ghost out on this blog – it was intended to be a blog about my life, and I am very much still here, alive and kicking.
…As a postscript, if anybody in a similar position to me happens across this…I don’t care how good or bad it looks for us – it’s irrelevant. What matters is who we are. We are warriors.