“Training” for surgery

This past weekend I’ve started exercising in earnest (and within my current abilities). It’s feeling good to be doing it and is making me feel like I am strong again (especially this morning when I ran a kilometre), but it makes me think yet again about how I have a lack of ready resources for participating in these things.

It’s silly stuff, like turning to my running/walking app and having a look at the training plans…the obligatory couch to 5k, half marathons, marathons, etc etc… and for me…

For me, it is training for surgery. I have a provisional surgery date (26th November), and when I go running/walking, it is building up my strength to make me as strong as possible, and when I reach that date, everything stops (for a little while) and when I start again, it will be from scratch.

This isn’t a complaint – of course I understand that people generally are training for runs… I just as silly as it sounds, consistently find myself wishing that cancer was a bit more ‘fun’!

Is that even possible?

(I know a good friend of mine who had breast cancer not so long ago habitually stayed away from forums because she found them too depressing – I can understand that, but I also find myself wishing there were magazines and communities that gleed about yummy recipes and how proud they felt for walking an extra 5 minutes that day.

I don’t know how other cancer patients feel – the only ones I’ve really spoken to are the ones who receive chemo at the same time as me, and to be honest, that’s generally about 15 minutes of conversation 😉

So really, I’m grumbling without doing anything to change things!

Diagnosed with Stage IV Ovarian cancer and who I am as a patient

I feel like the headline of this is enough of a trigger warning for what’s about to come that I can just plunge in and talk about stuff.

Firstly – despite this only being the second entry in a blog intended to be about running and questing for health as a plus size individual, I am sure you will understand when I say this now needs to deviate from running and focus on simply being a quest for health! If I need to change the domain name later, I will, but for now, it still makes sense to me as a concept and I’ll post about that later.

Onto the point!

Hi! I am a Stage IV ovarian cancer patient. It has been an eventful couple of months – really an eventful year, as late 2017 was when my health started to go down, but only the past 3-4 months that I’ve known something was genuinely wrong with my body.

If you are reading this as somebody who doesn’t know the story of how I reached this point, I am a 37-year-old plus-size geek who loves food, stories and the beautiful outdoors. I am also an immigrant from New Zealand who has lived here for eleven years. This paragraph contains all the parts that I believe are most pertinent to me as a human being.

That’s who I am as a person … who am I as a patient?

I am very young for an ovarian cancer patient. The advanced stage is less surprising, as ovarian cancer is rarely diagnosed early. I am actively using my geek status and love of stories to formulate a fantasy warrior narrative around myself. I’m in a weird place with food – not entirely negative, but a lot of it has become more scary for me. I am SO GRATEFUL that as somebody with indefinite leave to remain, I qualify for treatment on the NHS. I miss my family a lot at the moment and am having to trust them to keep themselves strong whilst I’m on the other side of the globe. And lastly, I am working hard to get this into remission and pick up the life I’ve wanted with my partner, hiking and exploring the beauty of this country and the larger world.

More than anything else, I just feel strange that after a life of being overdramatic, I’m now faced with something that actually is somewhat of a big deal?

…if you did come to this post new, it may be quite an introduction to me.
Here’s the introduction to the blog.

For as much and as long as I am able, I want to talk about ovarian cancer. I want to talk about what I am doing as a person, first as a patient, and then when I become a person in remission, to keep healthy. I want this to be food and fitness. I want to talk about the beautiful things that I encounter, the kindness in humans, the hope.

I don’t want to ghost out on this blog – it was intended to be a blog about my life, and I am very much still here, alive and kicking.

…As a postscript, if anybody in a similar position to me happens across this…I don’t care how good or bad it looks for us – it’s irrelevant. What matters is who we are. We are warriors.